Types of days

There are different phases people go through in life.

People have the sad days:


The day when somebody messes with you on purpose days:


Happy days:


Marijuana Days:


And OMG, TIME TO TURN UP!!! days:



Although those aren't ALL of the types of days, you get the idea. People have times where they just feel a certain way. How does it work that you can just be sad for a certain amount of time, happy for a certain amount of time, or feel DOGE for a certain amount of time?







The last time I asked my doctor about how to live life in a more "balanced" manner(never as a medical professional about the word "balance"), it turned to a lot of THIS:






THIS!!






And THIS!





When my doctor started on how I need a balanced diet and balanced life, I thought it was totally fine because I just didn't have enough doge days in my life and that I need to have more happy days, but apparently, it's supposed mean that I need to CUT OUT my doge days, happy days, and turn up time so that I can only be left with sour and boring days....(and they spent 11 years of their life in school to tell me this )

This is why I am a self-diagnosed doctor. My doctor's theory is "life will totally become sweeter bro, only when you never taste the fun life except for a few times bro, then you'll- like- bro, just do as I say bro"

But then, I came up with a theory as to how you can live a more balanced and happy life:

First off, it can't be magic or sorcery so it must be a worldly thing. Second, it can't be anything related to science:
 

or else my doctor will go back to hormones, balance, and this:



It can't be money because a lot of rich people are sick and depressed. After sifting through all of the possibilities, I came up with a theory. (Warning: THIS THEORY WAS DEVELOPED WHILE I WAS EXHAUSTED AND DRUNK WITH SLEEP)

Clearly, it's all because of an invisible man in a green tuxedo. He has super powers and can control your day with a single slap. He walks around and based on however he feels, he decides to give you a taste of his invisible emotions.

Pretty much, you just pray that he's not angry when he's stopping by you....and unfortunately, he's almost ALWAYS angry:



It seems that whenever he's coming by me, he JUST lost his invisible job:




And then the REAL answer hit me like another slap in the face from an invisible green man:

Our emotions are controlled by what we do and how we think. Belief is everything. The key to true happiness is to just make yourself happy.

(This defeats the invisible green man theory by a mile, too)

So, how can people make themselves happy, then?
There are a few things that can help you take control of your days and have more OMG, TURN UP TIME!

Step 1.
Eat LOTS of ice cream and chocolates. These are proven to make you a happy person in general.



  

Step 2.
Play some video games!!!!!
Video games are the supreme form of happiness for all of those that are willing to play virtual soccer and basketball.

Step 3.
Forget stress. When the going gets tough, the tough get going....and they won't come back. To remain tough, you need to take a break from all of your stress. If you find that your major essay is due tonight and you're getting stressed, it wouldn't hurt to leave 30% of your English grade for some chill time. After all, what's the point of living if you're not living happy?



Imagine that you never have to deal with stress and always run away from it so that you never have to see its ugly face? This would probably (c'mon, we all know it'll COMPLETELY) increase your chance of having only happy days.

If all of these steps are incorporated into the lifestyle of everybody in the world, then EVERYTHING that people have to do would be fun. Even workplace environments would be less stressful. Imagine working at a place where your boss hits the whip on a table:






There's only one problem:

Stress and sadness will try to get back at you. Apparently, you can't have happy days FOREVER, and stress will always find a way to come and nip you right in the booty.

So, here are some quick tips on how to handle stress on a smaller scale, so that stress can't grow.

Tip #1.
Find an outlet. Whether you open up a journal and write, or scream into a pillow, or maybe even do push-ups or something, you should always have a stress outlet. (Gaming can also stress you btw. An outlet would be desirable)


Tip #2.
DO NOT be afraid of leaving a situation. If you find that you can't handle the heat, take a moment to chill out.


Tip #3.
Change your environments,frequently. People often find that they immerse themselves too much in a specific type of lifestyle, and that could lead to issues. Sometimes, it's too much time among friends and other people. Sometimes, it's too much time alone. Sometimes, it's too much time spending your days and free time working on those small mistakes you made on a simple math test and you get OCD about it.....


In any case, find some border between all of the different environments and this will give you some breathing room to come back to whatever you were dealing with before with a new outlook.


Tip #4.
(My personal favorite)

Drag around an ENORMOUS cooler box that's CHOCK loaded with ice cream and chocolates!!!!




If you follow these simple rules to the letter, you'll find that you'll be in control of all of the days you have and you'll be able to stay happy longer. You'll also get to eat a lot of ice cream.

Boredom

Boredom should be classified as a medical issue. It is a malady, one of the worst kinds. Boredom has literally affected nearly every human alive! The reason I cannot say all is because I haven't recorded every human's record with boredom, but I highly doubt that somebody alive hasn't experienced boredom. The extremity of boredom isn't quite fully understood, yet. This is primarily because there will never be a cure...



Boredom at extreme levels can even be the cause of some suicides, but this is the end of the spectrum.



Evidence: Not much in relation to provide a solid argument, HOWEVER, if people led interesting lives, they wouldn't kill themselves. Therefore, I will adopt my thesis for the time being. (Even if it's false)

So, as a possible, future medical STUDENT, I propose a solution to end the suicide trend....because suicide is really stupid.

The solution is to KILL boredom! I already have a list of eccentric, eclectic Boredom Busters capable of being executed almost ANYWHERE. (Place some mental emphasis in the almost part, too)


1. Take a nap



2. Play video games




3. Eat food




After practicing these, I recognized a problem: Boredom cannot be killed because it is a demonic spell of some sort. Apparently, Gandalf the Gray is upset! (And it could be that his outfit was washed with his daughter's Hello Kitty dress):




So, how do you defeat boredom if Gandalf and Doubledoor are casting a spell on you? There's only one thing that can stop spells:

MAGIC!!



You could learn magic tricks yourself, but that would take too long.





The easy way out is to learn how magic works. Simply put: All it takes is to have an ugly old lady throwing random nasty stuff into some ancient stone pot over a fire.





Simply put, again, you need to get rid of ONE of those things, and you have succeeded.

Without a witch, you can't have a spell. Without the nasty random ingredients she finds lying dead around the house, she can't throw things into the pot. (Seriously, they're random dead things) Without her spell-book, she can't cast spells.



Finally, you can't make a spell without a pot. So, you can decide which one to take away. (It's easier if you go for something lighter than the pot)

It always helps to go into wizard academy. The best one is Wartzhog.
You'll need to find this lady to gain admission:




Once you become a student, you'll learn how to steal something from a witch! I dropped out of Wartzhog half a week into my freshman year. I felt like it was too much work and drama.


Training:


When you screw up:



Rival school v.s. Your school:



YOUR rival:



Your roommate:



your roommate's cat:



And the school faculty when they team up to sink your GPA:






In the end, I learned that the best way to stop any spell-caster from cursing you with boredom is to master parkour because the hardest part isn't stealing the spellbook... it's escaping alive. Most thieves are turned into stone when they're caught, so, naturally, you'll need to be able to do this:










After you've learned how magic works, how to steal from a witch (or Gandalf the Pink), and how to escape with your life, you'll need to know that all spell-casters have guardians. A common favorite is the multi-headed snake thingie with legs...





Another common favorite is the star of doom:





but the worst of them all, is the ultimate chimpanzee of doom with his stick of doom:







 Good magic and parkour (good luck there)


You'll need it to come back alive.

School

School



A place where all humans must go through. Apparently, it's supposed to grant you so much in life through the blessing of knowledge.

I am currently a student and I am having a blast learning. There are so many rules to master that by the time you're done, you're going to have to master the art of Botox or something to prevent looking like this guy:













Here are the ten simple rules of success:


Rule #1.
Don't play with scissors



Rules #2.
Don't play video games with crazy gamers




Rule #3.
Don't play with crazy gamers that have scissors




Rule #4.
Read the textbook



Rule #5.
Study hard

Rule #6.
Get tutors




Rule #7.
Avoid "all-nighters"



Rule #8.
Follow rules # 8.



Rules #9.
Rule #8 is that you NEVER come late to class!



Rules #10.
Acknowledge that if you don't sleep, you're messed up for a solid school year.



Rulez #11:
(Secret rules)
Do EVERYTHING you want to do ONLY when the teacher's back is turned:

Pretty much, you just have to go through something called a Bachelor's Degree and then you can get a pretty decent to a flippin'-awesome-bro job.

The most popular type of degree among parents for their kids to obtain has a name that only LITTLE kids like, YouTube videos make look fun, and is probably GOING to be fun if you can survive the hell it takes: SCIENCE.
Parents all want their kids to take degrees in SCIENCE. I, the awesome author of this impressively professional blog, am in a SCIENCE degree. (And yes, SCIENCE will remain in capitals)

Again, let me emphasize on how easy it looks for humans of younger ages:



SCIENCE is unlike any type of degree ever. It drives you:




SCIENCE degrees are killer loads of :



and some other killer loads of:





AAALLL combined into ONE ultimate extreme degree called SCIENCE where you NEVER employ 90% of the skills you've acquired over four years.


And that's not even the worst part.....the worst part is, if you want to become a real professional such as a doctor, lawyer, philosopher (the dude titled PhD, or the dudette titled that), or some other equivalent, you have to go through the B.S. degree. (Such a convenient name to call that, considering how you can't become an elite professional directly)  [TOTALLY not dissing other careers, just these take some God given dedication, bro]

The Bull. Spit. degree is all about
  


for FOUR WASTED YEARS- all to teach you about "How to study in first year experience or something" and "Some history about how the U.S. came to be and about slavery for nearly 4 centuries and how Americans are slowly losing money money...money money money and then ancient dead dudes and their life struggles living on"

and worst of all:

"Today, we're going to teach you about....the human BODY....how it WORKS....and SCIENCE"


The B.S. degree (I promise you that it's all I call it) is possibly a great learning experience for some where people learn and study and develop skills, but for me, I can only understand what happens in classroom such as he said this about that dude, she said this about that girl. Pretty much, tests demand something from me, but I can't do anything because of the chit chattering. If you explain to me about chromosomes and how barfing works, you can't expect anything more from me.....on tests, they're conceptual...

THIS means that what's on the test is supposed to make you think, but I'm just not about that life. Even if people present to me problems about critical thinking, my answers just never seem to help:

Friend: "Hey author of that totally amazing blog!
*Bows in utter respect for the amazing author*
I need help with this question?"

Me: "What?"

Friend: "I can't figure out how to divide a job with only THREE parts between four people evenly. The job is for three because it has three parts. How can I do this? Emphasis on the THREE parts to FOUR peeps thing, master of amazingness"

Me: "Pay them each one fourth of the money and let them handle themselves"

Friend: "SUCH A GLORIOUS ANSWER!!!!!"



"I totally couldn't have thought of that and am totally never gonna be happy with myself!!!!!!"




You see,
I intend to live a life, and a simple one. I plan on working 8 hours a day, for a company owned by a corporal fatcat, and ultimately run by the Man. (Yes, I want to work for the Man)


Nobody's ever seen the Man, but everybody knows that you can only work for him if you DON'T think. You can never produce a challenge for his businesses by noticing that you don't need to live such a rough life. If tests are going to make me think, that'll destroy my ability of NOT thinking and becoming part of the infinite workforce.





The workforce is where men are always forced into overworking and receiving less money for their work and then being yelled at when in the office building and being forced to buy a car, then a house, then get a wife, then raise kids, then teach them to escape working for the man, and go crazy about following rules, be forced to wear a suit and tie, go bald, and NEVER have fun again.

This has always been my fate. My fate, and the fate of 186 million U.S. citizens.....


Ultimately, you'll never be able to get any job or anything without a degree, so I must go through this. My life's goal is to one day work for the Man, and follow his dress code rules. School is the key....









Always remember this one fact: YOU MUST GO THROUGH SCHOOL AND FOLLOW THE SCHOOL RULES.

This one final fact is what has made America what it is today.



P.S.

Please:
Just don't mention this blog on my graduation...