School

School



A place where all humans must go through. Apparently, it's supposed to grant you so much in life through the blessing of knowledge.

I am currently a student and I am having a blast learning. There are so many rules to master that by the time you're done, you're going to have to master the art of Botox or something to prevent looking like this guy:













Here are the ten simple rules of success:


Rule #1.
Don't play with scissors



Rules #2.
Don't play video games with crazy gamers




Rule #3.
Don't play with crazy gamers that have scissors




Rule #4.
Read the textbook



Rule #5.
Study hard

Rule #6.
Get tutors




Rule #7.
Avoid "all-nighters"



Rule #8.
Follow rules # 8.



Rules #9.
Rule #8 is that you NEVER come late to class!



Rules #10.
Acknowledge that if you don't sleep, you're messed up for a solid school year.



Rulez #11:
(Secret rules)
Do EVERYTHING you want to do ONLY when the teacher's back is turned:

Pretty much, you just have to go through something called a Bachelor's Degree and then you can get a pretty decent to a flippin'-awesome-bro job.

The most popular type of degree among parents for their kids to obtain has a name that only LITTLE kids like, YouTube videos make look fun, and is probably GOING to be fun if you can survive the hell it takes: SCIENCE.
Parents all want their kids to take degrees in SCIENCE. I, the awesome author of this impressively professional blog, am in a SCIENCE degree. (And yes, SCIENCE will remain in capitals)

Again, let me emphasize on how easy it looks for humans of younger ages:



SCIENCE is unlike any type of degree ever. It drives you:




SCIENCE degrees are killer loads of :



and some other killer loads of:





AAALLL combined into ONE ultimate extreme degree called SCIENCE where you NEVER employ 90% of the skills you've acquired over four years.


And that's not even the worst part.....the worst part is, if you want to become a real professional such as a doctor, lawyer, philosopher (the dude titled PhD, or the dudette titled that), or some other equivalent, you have to go through the B.S. degree. (Such a convenient name to call that, considering how you can't become an elite professional directly)  [TOTALLY not dissing other careers, just these take some God given dedication, bro]

The Bull. Spit. degree is all about
  


for FOUR WASTED YEARS- all to teach you about "How to study in first year experience or something" and "Some history about how the U.S. came to be and about slavery for nearly 4 centuries and how Americans are slowly losing money money...money money money and then ancient dead dudes and their life struggles living on"

and worst of all:

"Today, we're going to teach you about....the human BODY....how it WORKS....and SCIENCE"


The B.S. degree (I promise you that it's all I call it) is possibly a great learning experience for some where people learn and study and develop skills, but for me, I can only understand what happens in classroom such as he said this about that dude, she said this about that girl. Pretty much, tests demand something from me, but I can't do anything because of the chit chattering. If you explain to me about chromosomes and how barfing works, you can't expect anything more from me.....on tests, they're conceptual...

THIS means that what's on the test is supposed to make you think, but I'm just not about that life. Even if people present to me problems about critical thinking, my answers just never seem to help:

Friend: "Hey author of that totally amazing blog!
*Bows in utter respect for the amazing author*
I need help with this question?"

Me: "What?"

Friend: "I can't figure out how to divide a job with only THREE parts between four people evenly. The job is for three because it has three parts. How can I do this? Emphasis on the THREE parts to FOUR peeps thing, master of amazingness"

Me: "Pay them each one fourth of the money and let them handle themselves"

Friend: "SUCH A GLORIOUS ANSWER!!!!!"



"I totally couldn't have thought of that and am totally never gonna be happy with myself!!!!!!"




You see,
I intend to live a life, and a simple one. I plan on working 8 hours a day, for a company owned by a corporal fatcat, and ultimately run by the Man. (Yes, I want to work for the Man)


Nobody's ever seen the Man, but everybody knows that you can only work for him if you DON'T think. You can never produce a challenge for his businesses by noticing that you don't need to live such a rough life. If tests are going to make me think, that'll destroy my ability of NOT thinking and becoming part of the infinite workforce.





The workforce is where men are always forced into overworking and receiving less money for their work and then being yelled at when in the office building and being forced to buy a car, then a house, then get a wife, then raise kids, then teach them to escape working for the man, and go crazy about following rules, be forced to wear a suit and tie, go bald, and NEVER have fun again.

This has always been my fate. My fate, and the fate of 186 million U.S. citizens.....


Ultimately, you'll never be able to get any job or anything without a degree, so I must go through this. My life's goal is to one day work for the Man, and follow his dress code rules. School is the key....









Always remember this one fact: YOU MUST GO THROUGH SCHOOL AND FOLLOW THE SCHOOL RULES.

This one final fact is what has made America what it is today.



P.S.

Please:
Just don't mention this blog on my graduation...